What No One Tells You About the First Year

So, we did it, we got married and we will live happily ever after, right? Wrong!

If happily ever after means sleepless nights for the next 2 weeks, arguing on who’s turn it is to take out the trash, and deciding who’s closest is who’s… well then, we nailed it.

I moved into our home on the day of our wedding rehearsal. Clothes piled up on our bed without sheets and blankets, no furniture in the family room, and gift bags in almost every corner of the downstairs was what we came home to from our honeymoon.

That first night back, we cleaned off the bed, and Seth turns on the fan for noise and props up his iPad to watch a TV show to fall asleep when I began to toss and turn. I always said the stars must align for me to fall asleep and Seth said the same thing. We realized that night that there had to be 2 separate sets of stars to align for us to get a good night’s sleep, and it took 2 weeks of sleepless nights when we finally had a heart to heart.
Seth, I need absolute silence and darkness in order to fall asleep,” I said. Seth looked at me funny because he knew that was the exact opposite of what he needed. He continued to explain how he hasn’t been able to sleep for the past 2 weeks as well! I couldn’t believe it, we were both fighting the conversation to spare the other’s feelings and as a result, we have both have been so miserable and exhausted.

Everyone told us marriage is all about compromise, meeting each other in the middle, seeing things from their eyes and not your own. We understood that for the first time when discussing our sleeping arrangements and Lord knows, we have had many more times of compromise and will continue to have those moments.

As our new roles as husband and wife became the norm, we continued to look past our days as a bachelor and bachelorette and took some time getting used to living with each other. I hadn’t lived with a boy in almost 6 years and Seth has never lived with a girl so that especially took some getting used to. I am a super clean and neat person, I do not like leaving the house with the bed unmade, I hate dirty dishes in the sink, and I can’t stand when the trash can is full and needs to be taken out. Seth, on the other hand, did not have the same priorities. I remember complaining about him leaving his dirty clothes around the house (yes, around the house) and even on top of the dirty clothes bin and how he would set his dirty clothes on top of the basket and not open it to put them in the bin. Then an older lady at my work said “honey, just take the lid off the bin!” I never thought of how to fix the problem, I just complained about it and that was an eye opener for me. We have made a lot of adjustments, both individually and together but that is what the first year of marriage is all about.

Like many newlywed Christian couples, after the wedding the baby fever approached. I tossed the birth control pills, downloaded the app, and we agreed we would no longer prevent conception. It took many months before I felt like something may not be in our favor when it came to becoming pregnant. My period was so inconsistent so there were months that I believed I was pregnant and then my period would come and I would be so sad. I had no idea that the days, weeks, months, and now almost years following would be spent with more sadness.