This week marks 4 years since Seth got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. The picture above is from one of our engagement shoots. Oh, how time flies when you are having fun! I can honestly say, I love him more today than I did four years ago and I would say yes a million more times!
Four years later, I am now asking myself: Is it worth it? Should I keep trying? How many times do I try before I give up? Can I even do this anymore? Do I really want to take those hormone pills again?
These are just a few questions I have asked almost every day… sometimes multiple times a day. They stay in my mind, consume my thoughts and I literally think about it every minute of every day.
And four years later, my answer is the same: YES
Yes, it is worth it. Yes, I am young so I should keep trying. Yes, I need to try a few more times before giving up. Yes, I can do anything I set my mind to. Yes, if I want it to work, I must take the pills.
Okay so, YES… Let’s do this God.
Today I am saying yes again because today is the day I start the hormones again.
Today I am a little nervous and kind of anxious because I know what happens when I take the hormones. I cry, I cry A LOT. I get sad when I should be happy and I get giggly when I should be upset and the tears come out of nowhere.
Seriously, OUT OF NOWHERE.
But starting the pills today means a procedure is in the horizon, and it is… hopefully sometime in May.
First things first, another surgery is scheduled next week.
After 5 failed IUI’s, it has been decided that there are a couple adjustments that I could make in order to increase the success rate of the next IUI, so I am “going under the knife,” again.
We are hopeful. My doctor, my husband, my family, and myself… we are all hopeful.
As hopeful as I am, I am still trying to convince myself that the answer is YES. Because the reality is, every day I am manipulating my brain to believe that I can do this.
But the truth is, I can’t do this… GOD CAN DO THIS. I can’t do this. Only GOD can do this! If I live this life that God has provided, with full trust in Him, then He WILL DO THIS.
I recently discussed with friends what it means to “take up the armor of God, and stand firm,” and how to apply that in our daily lives. What would it look like to begin each day with figuratively fastening the belt of truth?
This has been another thing lingering in my brain of thoughts these days.
I have been challenged to begin each day with prayer. Asking Him to lead me, guide me, show me what it is I need to learn today and perhaps be a blessing to someone else.
I have had these talks with God and let me tell you, it’s so hard to hear what He is trying to tell me! It is difficult to know what He wants for me in this season and I have a hard time understanding what his plan for me is.
GOD CAN DO THIS. And I will talk with Him daily to understand who, what, when, where, and why as I continue to navigate these thoughts of what it means to say YES.
Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. – Ephesians 6:13