You Choose.

I am on day 19 of the New Year, New Me bandwagon and I am feeling good. The first couple weeks weren’t easy but I feel great today and I have felt great for the past few days!

During these 19 days, I have come to realize that a healthy lifestyle is only a matter of what I choose to do. It is simply a state of mind. What will I eat for breakfast? Should I go out to lunch today? Do I have time to exercise?

These are some of the choices I make every day. And truthfully, these are decisions only I make. No one can stop me from going to gym but myself… no one forces me to eat the cupcake, I choose to not eat the cupcake. 

Lucky for me, the choices do not stop there.

We visited the specialist on Wednesday and more choices were revealed. We can pursue a few more rounds of IUI under the specialist care, consider IVF, run a few more tests, wait it out a little longer, do more bloodwork, and maybe we will have some answers… maybe not.

The resources, time span, success rate… all things to consider before we choose a route to take.

Ugh, I hate making choices!

Why is it so hard to choose? Can someone just decide for us? I wish the doctor would tell me what to do, no options given, just make it black and white.

I wake up most days deciding if I will have a good day or not… why do I do that? Many days I say to myself, “ughhh I don’t want to go to work or I don’t want to go to the appointment today, gosh this is gonna be a stinky day.”  Why is it easy to go ahead and assume the worse? Honestly, I am already assuming the worse when it comes to deciding how to fix my current problems.

My husband said something to me I will never forget. “Make a great day!” hmm… MAKE a great day? That’s something I never considered.

He is right, it is up to me to MAKE a great day; the day doesn’t choose to be great and that is perspective I never had until recently.

Which brings me to today… I am making a great day and sharing with you the many choices that come with the journey of infertility.

What I am afraid of most is making the wrong choice. Putting our time, energy, and resources into a particular option and it ends in a negative result… That would mean I made the wrong choice, right?

The truth is, there is no wrong choice.

There is no wrong choice because I believe that God has sent me on this journey and every procedure, bloodwork, or decision that is made is all a part of his plan. I will be honest, it isn’t easy accepting that this is his plan. It isn’t easy making these choices, especially when it comes to my timeline, my expectations, my desires, and what I thought was my purpose in life.

I thought my purpose in life was to be a wife and a mom.

Wife- check.
Mom- I have no clue.

And maybe that’s the root of it all… understanding my purpose. Not only in this season, but in general… what is my purpose?

Do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice in such as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.      – 1 Peter 4:12-13

P.S. If you are looking for a feel good, encouraging hour… listen to Chatologie, a podcast by my friend, Angie Elkins! I had the opportunity to share my journey of infertility on her latest broadcast and I would love for you listen and hear more of our story! You can search it on iTunes or visit her website at http://www.chatologie.com/

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