Today is day 13… day 13 of my current menstrual cycle. Usually day 13 of my cycle is no big deal, a pretty normal day compared to some of the other days but today is a little different because I had a “day 12 ultrasound.”
Day 12 ultrasounds are usually done on day 12 of my cycle but because I couldn’t make it to the doctor yesterday, the ultrasound was done on day 13 and today revealed 2 large follicles.
Women begin puberty with about 400,000 follicles, each with the potential to release an egg cell (ovum) at ovulation for fertilization. These eggs are developed once every menstrual cycle.
And this evening my husband will give me a shot that will release the egg because tomorrow I have scheduled my fourth IUI procedure.
I am excited and looking forward tomorrow. Tomorrow is a big day. I have my clothes picked out and my alarm set because tomorrow, on day 14 of my cycle, I AM GOING TO DISNEY!
I have had this day planned for weeks. I am so excited for a girls day with my sister and friends, friends I haven’t seen in months and we even got matching shirts!
But because of the results of today’s ultrasound, my Disney day is ending earlier than I would like. No firework show for me because I have leave the land where dreams come true to lay in an uncomfortable patient chair to have a very uncomfortable procedure done that has around a 30% success rate.
And after tomorrow the countdown begins.
In 8 days I will have bloodwork done. The bloodwork will test my Progesterone levels that gives information on whether or not my hormones are responding to the procedure.
In 14 days I will take an at home pregnancy test.
Truthfully, I will most likely have taken three tests by that time… six days sooner tests mean I can test in 12 days, right? My husband will say, “12 days is too soon to read positive Catherine.” So, I’ll test every day after that until it reads positive or start my next cycle… I better stock up on the tests this week.
Also, I have to keep my calendar open… no plans for at least the next 9 months because I could get pregnant this time. No vacations, no big purchases, take the lunch meat off the grocery list because I can’t have deli meat for a while.
Of course! It would be an answer to prayers if this time works and I will be jumping for joy at the sight of a positive test. Gosh, I have already thought about the cute pregnancy announcement Christmas Cards that we would make. Or maybe we would announce ON CHRISTMAS, that would be cool, right?
Back to reality Catherine… guard your heart Catherine… don’t get carried away Catherine.
Because what if it is negative?
What if day 1 comes again in 15 short days?
What if the IUI doesn’t work again? What day will the procedure fall on next month? What if I can’t do it next month because it’s the holidays and my doctor can’t do it? What if Seth is out of town for work during the time next month? What if… (I could literally go on and on)
I am so tired of thinking about day 12, day 21, day 28, and when day 1 starts again. Remembering what medicine to take when and having an injection in the fridge on standby is annoying enough.
Reality is I can’t even plan a day to Disney because I don’t know what day of my cycle it will be on. I can’t plan further than 30 days out because I have to be ready when the follicles are good enough.
Truth is, I don’t know what the future holds. I have no idea what will happen or how God will use me today, tomorrow, next week, or next month and the unknown eats me up every day. One of my biggest flaws is that I like to have a PLAN. I like to know what is going on, how I am I getting there, what I will wear on the day of, and who I will see when I get there.
So this journey is SCARY.
I tell myself everyday that He has sent me on this journey. And even as I am writing the words, I am reminded that my faith is what will guide me every step of the way.
“Because of your little faith, For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.” – Matthew 17:20